As I am about to go into this topic, the first thing that popped into my head was 9ice’s (a Nigerian musician) 2009 song, “Show Some Love,” where he belted out, “Those that I am supposed to love are those that I hate. Why?”
Now, that question might just hold the key to why some guys end up hurting the women they love.
Life has this ironic twist, you know?
A friend once opened up to me about her relationship, describing it as a bittersweet concoction of confusion.
She couldn’t understand why her guy, who swore he couldn’t live without her, still is the source of her pain sometimes.
Turns out, she’s not the only woman who is asking this.
Many women echo the same sentiment.
Going against all logic, hurting the one you claim to love.
How does that even make sense?
Yet, some guys find themselves in this complex situation, leaving everyone questioning the authenticity of their love.
To be real, hurting the woman you love is complicated.
But it could be intentional or, believe it or not, unintentional.
Sometimes, it’s the woman in the hot seat complicating things further.
But don’t sweat it.
This post is here to untangle the web.
Just hang in there for the explanation.
6 Reasons Men Hurt The Women They Love
1. Coming from the place of pain
Starting with the first point, I’m aligning it with what the Nigerian artist I introduced earlier, 9ice, expressed.
He said, “Those that I am supposed to love are those that I hate. Why? Because I’ve been living in pain.”
Past hurts, a lack of childhood affection, and experiences of pain can shape how a person shows love.
Sometimes, even though your man cares about you, they might feel uneasy when you get too close to them.
It’s like this thing called avoidant attachment.
They end up suppressing their emotions, even though deep down, they really want you.
The pains they’ve passed through could be the reason some men hurt the women they love.
They just can’t help it.
And, honestly, being on the receiving end of that can be hurtful.
2. He is not seeing things the way you are seeing it
People view things differently.
What one person sees as the number zero, another might see as the letter “o” based on their mindset.
Empathy is of the utmost importance here.
Unfortunately, some guys lack this understanding.
Instead of chilling and trying to see things from your perspective, they might throw insults, calling you not smart, and that hurts.
It’s not that they don’t care; they just don’t understand that you see things differently.
Empathy isn’t automatic; you’ve got to work at it.
It’s a skill you can intentionally develop.
The absence of empathy can lead you to hurt those you love unintentionally.
It’s like criticizing leaders for the economy without being in their shoes, not seeing what they see.
Being empathetic requires conscious effort, and some guys miss this, inadvertently causing pain to their loved ones.
3. Some men want always to have their way
Some guys, because they always want things their way, don’t mind crossing the line with those they care about.
It stings when the people you love don’t respect your boundaries.
Some men crave control; they want to call the shots.
So, when you try to be free and do your own thing, they’re not pleased with that.
They care about you, but letting you embrace your individuality feels like a challenge to their authority.
They might not realize how much it hurts when they disregard your boundaries; they just want things done their way.
It’s like loving a bird but insisting on keeping it in a cage.
For them, it’s their way or the highway.
4. The home they come from
My dad used to avoid the kitchen like it was haunted.
No chance of him lending a hand, not even a tiny bit.
When my older brother hit his teen years, he followed suit and wouldn’t touch the kitchen either.
It took a counselor to open my dad’s eyes to the fact that he set this no-kitchen-help trend.
After that reality check, he pushed himself to get involved in cooking.
Fast forward to today, my bro’s a kitchen maestro now that he’s all grown up and married.
Now, tying this to why some guys end up hurting those they care about, it might be because of the way they were loved or not loved growing up.
A son seeing his dad shutting out his mom from household decisions might end up doing the same to his wife.
Unless he realizes the flaw and actively decides to change things.
People say charity begins at home, and this saying has more impact than we give it credit for.
Home shapes us in ways we might not even realize.
5. It could be the woman
Some women can be quite emotional; they might not handle constructive criticism well.
Think of it like dealing with kids.
We adore them and go to great lengths to keep them happy, but discipline is also part of the love.
When they mess up, we guide them, showing what went wrong and why it’s not okay.
However, some women struggle with taking constructive criticism.
They get upset unnecessarily.
Even if a guy tries to be gentle and tactful to avoid hurting the woman he cares about, she just won’t have it.
It’s not the guy’s fault; he can’t stand by and watch her head in the wrong direction.
He’d rather risk hurting her feelings than let her go down the wrong path because his love for her won’t let him stay silent.
6. It’s their true self
In the early stages of a relationship, guys often shower you with kindness, and everything seems lovely.
But, as time goes on, certain behaviors start cropping up.
I’ve got to admit, their genuine selves might not be as sweet as that initial charm.
Yep, it’s a universal thing.
The true colors tend to surface once the comfort level kicks in.
There’s this African saying that hits the nail on the head, “Character is like smoke; no matter how long it takes, it will come out eventually.”
It’s not like they’re intentionally being unpleasant.
A guy can genuinely care about you, but as you both get more comfortable, the not-so-nice side might make an appearance.
The longer you stick around, the clearer their true character becomes, and unfortunately, it might not always be sunshine and rainbows; it could end up hurting you.
These are some reasons why guys sometimes end up hurting the women they care about.
We’re not saying it’s okay, but we want you to understand why this happens, not to excuse it, but so you can figure out what to do.
Some of these things can be fixed, but the guy has to realize he needs help and actually do something about it.
Knowing these reasons can help you make decisions, and that’s why we’re filling you in.