Being cheated on has to be one of the most painful experiences ever.
When someone you love and trust so much betrays your trust and then blames it on “the devil,” and they expect you to take it in good faith, it becomes quite difficult.
It’s not just the hurt and betrayal you feel; it’s the realization that someone you loved cared more about themselves than they did about you.
It can make you question everything in your life, and it can be hard to move on.
But with time and understanding, it is possible to heal from an experience like this, and this kind of healing stems from a place of forgiveness.
The decision to forgive is quite personal and complex.
And as a matter of fact, forgiveness is an act of strength, and not weakness like most people might think.
When your trust has been broken, and you have finally decided to forgive the partner who cheated on you, you discover it is a journey through a deep emotional path.
I will discuss some reasons you might consider forgiving your partner and how to better deal with the emotions that come along with it.
Let’s look at some reasons people want to consider forgiving a cheating partner.
Reasons To Forgive A Cheating Partner
1. Love And Commitment
Sometimes, the strength of love couples share determines the events of their lives after a partner cheats.
I once heard someone say that though he loathes cheating, his love for his partner would not make him leave her even if she cheated.
That is a very strong commitment and shows the power of love.
It’s easy to forgive someone who made a mistake when your love for them is so strong that you’re willing to look past it.
And there have been situations where love got lost because a partner cheated.
Well, different strokes for different folks.
However, if both of them had a strong foundation of love and affection, it could make a hurting partner decide to give them a second chance.
It just all depends on the strength of their love for each other.
If you are a person who loves deeply and cares about your partner, then maybe your cheating partner can be forgiven.
2. It’s Their First Time
This is one of the most important reasons people may or may not consider forgiving cheating.
If all along, they’ve known their partner to be faithful, but just this one time, they could decide to give grace to them.
Though difficult, one could see it as “a moment of weakness.”
In this case, you have to ensure that the partner who cheated takes full responsibility for their actions and also commits to never cheating again.
In some cases, talking things out and seeking counseling could help both of them make a better decision regarding their relationship.
But if he’s a chronic cheat, well, it’s lovely if they decide to take a walk.
Yeah! Because it seems cheating has been infused into his DNA.
3. Shared History
The time partners have been together might be a reason to consider forgiveness.
They’ve built a life around each other, and it seems almost impossible to let go of each other.
In such a case, both partners need to discuss what went wrong and decide if they can have a fresh start and move on with their relationship or if it’s better for them to part ways.
It is also important for both to be honest about their feelings and desires so that an understanding can be reached.
If they decide to stay together, the cheater has
So, the hurting partner could decide to stay because of this.
And, of course, some wouldn’t care how long they’ve been together. Once you cheat, that’s the end!
And it’s okay, too.
4. Understanding Circumstances
Circumstances behind a situation sometimes determine a partner’s decision to either forgive or forget about the relationship.
For example, if the cheating happened because one partner was feeling neglected, then it’s understandable, and both parties can work on improving their communication with each other.
On the other hand, if a person had cheated for no apparent reason and without provocation, then that is less likely to be forgiven or accepted.
Both partners need to openly discuss their feelings and reasons for why the cheating occurred in order to decide if it’s worth it for them to continue with the relationship or not.
At the end of the day, what matters most is how both partners feel about their relationship and if they still have the desire and commitment to make things work.
The key is to be honest with each other, talk about what is bothering you or making you unhappy, and see if counseling can help in resolving any issues within the relationship.
While you have decided to forgive your cheating partner, remember that there are certain things that should be put in place.
The fact that you chose to forgive your partner based on the circumstances discussed above does not mean it will happen automatically.
You need to let yourself go while you factor in the following:
Factors To Consider When Forgiving A Cheating Partner
1. Give Yourself Time To Process
Some people tend to use the “suppression technique.”
They don’t want to think or process their feeling.
And whenever the subject is raised, you hear them say, “I don’t want to think about it.”
If you decide to embrace forgiveness, kindly give yourself time to process the issue.
The truth is no one anticipates being cheated on.
By the time you give it a thought, varying degrees of emotions will flow.
Feelings of disappointment, anger, and regret are normal.
2. Express Yourself
Your partner knows you’re angry, but they might not know the extent of your pain.
It’s good to vocalize how exactly you feel.
Let them know how disappointed you are with them.
Say as much as can bring relief to your hurting heart.
Expressing ourselves is one of the most potent ways of the healing process.
Have you ever been in a situation where someone hurt you so much, and when you spoke up,
It felt as though a burden was removed from you.
That will happen when you let your partner know the depth of your pain.
Of course, words cannot fully quantify how you feel, but to some extent, they will capture it.
3. Consider Your Values And Priorities
Our values determine our perspective on issues.
For some people, forgiveness isn’t a consideration once their partner cheats.
They are not open to reconciliation.
But if forgiveness and reconciliation are essential to you, this will strengthen your resolve, especially if it’s their first time.
However, it would help if you took cognizance of your well-being.
These steps will help you put things in perspective.
If you’ve done all those and you feel forgiveness and reconciliation are what you want, that’s very fine.
4. Embrace forgiveness
Forgiveness isn’t automatic.
It’s gradual. Take your time.
Some days, you could wake up, and anger will rise within you afresh; it’s okay to feel that.
You have to make a conscious effort to practice it.
You could start by telling your partner, “You forgive them.”
Could you begin to see them as a changed person?
After some time, the depth of the pain in your would have reduced.
5. Seek Professional Help
It is important to note that if you are struggling with forgiveness, it may be worth seeking professional help.
A therapist or coach helps provide the tools and space for you to dive deep into your thoughts and work through them without feeling judged.
The process of therapy can help you forgive faster, especially if you have been hurt a lot in the past.
Therapy helps you focus on healing and understanding the emotion behind the anger.
You can learn how to express yourself in a healthy way and gain insight into what is causing your anger or why it’s so difficult to forgive someone.
It will also help you come up with effective communication strategies that will help when talking about difficult topics.
This could include learning how to set boundaries, developing assertive communication skills, and improving your self-esteem.
Forgiveness isn’t easy, but with the right resources, it is possible.
6. Make Your Expectations Known
To help you on this path of recovery and healing, you need to communicate your expectations to each other.
Let your partner know what you need and want from them in order to have a successful relationship.
Talk about how you both can show respect for each other’s feelings and opinions without judgment or criticism.
Discuss how important it is to compromise when needed and offer support when the other person needs it.
Also, make sure that neither of you feels like they are always taking the blame for any issues that arise.
7. Practice Self-care
It’s possible to lose oneself while going through the hurt.
Sometimes, the hurt partner could slip into depression if care is not taken.
In the midst of this, ensure to take care of yourself.
Make sure to take the necessary steps to help you cope with the pain and hurt.
Seek comfort in activities such as listening to music, writing down your feelings, or engaging in any recreational activity that brings you joy.
Also, make time for yourself by doing things that bring you peace or simply spending quality time alone.
Your partner should never be expected to fill your emotional needs and be the sole source of your happiness, so make sure you are taking care of yourself.
This will help both of you in the long run.
9. Rebuild The Trust That Has Been Broken
It will take time and patience to do this, as it is not something that can happen overnight.
Be consistent in your actions and words, show understanding and empathy towards your partner’s feelings, and apologize when you make mistakes.
Trust has been broken, no doubt, and it takes time to build it back.
Take it one day at a time.
Be understanding and show your partner that you are still committed to the relationship, even when hard times come.
Be open with them about your feelings, and don’t try to hide anything from them.
Communication is key in restoring trust between two people who love each other.
Make sure that your actions demonstrate a genuine effort to right any wrongs, and be willing to compromise in order to rebuild the trust.
It will take time and effort, but it is possible to repair a relationship even when trust has been broken.
Being cheated on can be very painful, no doubt.
And forgiveness seems almost impossible.
However, forgiveness is for the strong and not the weak.
If your partner is cheating for the first time and you can see they are showing remorse, you may consider forgiveness.
And if you feel that you can’t see your partner the way you used to before they messed no matter how hard you try, you’re free to take a walk.