Even though it’s not cool to compare kids, to be real, when you see other people’s children checking up on their parents and creating good family moments, you can’t help but wonder, “Why does my son only contact me when he needs something?”
It’s becoming common now, and some people even claim daughters are better at staying connected to their parents.
Well, they think girls stick around, while sons tend to wander off into their own worlds.
Honestly, guilty as charged, I used to be that son.
Before my dad passed away, my calls were mostly like, “Dad, I need advice on something.”
He’d beg me to visit, but I was too caught up in the hustle, blown away by the wind of life.
Months could fly by without me saying a word to him.
And when I did, you guessed it, it was always because I needed advice.
Not good, right?
Then the bomb of news of his passing dropped.
I felt it deeply, regretting not sharing more since I left home.
Now, I’m on a mission to school my friends who still have their parents around to check on them, spend time, and make those memories.
Now, as we can see, some sons dial in when they’re in need of some cash.
Your son is probably one of them.
I said this because you are reading this now.
To be sincere, things don’t just happen out of the blue.
So, let’s unpack why your son calls only for favors and how you can turn things around.
Ready? Come along…
Why Does My Son Only Contacts Me When He Wants Something?
1. He is distracted
Just like I mentioned at the start, when I left home, I got swept up in the hustle.
I admit, I didn’t dial up my parents for a good 7 months after that initial call when I reached my new spot.
Life was this non-stop grind for me, all about the job and stacking those bills.
I mean, I had my parents in my thoughts, but the grind from sunrise to sunset didn’t give me a chance to reach out.
And the painful thing is, they’d ring me up, and I’d be in the middle of something, too busy to pick up.
Sure, I’d tell myself I’d hit them back when I got a chance, but guess what?
I didn’t, not until I was switching jobs seven months later and needed some fatherly advice.
Dad, being the champ he is, sorted me out without a single grumble.
Took that chance to quickly say hi to Mom, but, I used to think they probably felt a bit let down.
It’s a thing, you know?
Guys get so wrapped up in chasing success that parents sometimes slip down the priority list in terms of constant communication.
It’s not that we forget, it is more like life throws so much at us, that we lose track of time.
2. Avoiding emotional vulnerability
Many guys go through this and don’t be surprised if your son isn’t hitting you up because he’s not into spilling his feelings.
I used to be the same way with my parents.
I didn’t want to bother them with my struggles, it felt like admitting I wasn’t acing life.
Hustling was tough, but I tackled it head-on.
There’s this societal expectation for guys to tough it out, and take every hit like a heavyweight champ.
And this expectation gets drilled into guys from a young age.
But the thing is, most parents, just like mine, know us like the back of their hand.
They can sense if something’s off just by the way we talk.
So, some of us sons, myself included, steer clear of calling because we don’t want to spill our guts emotionally, until we need something, like advice in my case.
It’s not about keeping secrets, it’s more about not wanting to show vulnerability until it’s absolutely necessary.
3. He might not be aware
This was exactly my friend’s issue, you know?
He had no clue that he only hits up his mom when he needs something.
Just doing his own thing, not realizing it.
So, we’re talking family stuff, and I casually ask him when the last time he called his mom was.
He goes, “Oh, like two months back when I needed cash for a mini-crisis.”
After a bit of digging, it hit me that he’s totally oblivious to this.
For him, asking for something is like being a responsible adult, thinking he’s keeping his mom in the loop.
But, until I called it out, he had no idea.
Loads of guys are like this, not realizing their actions and how it’s not just affecting their parents, it’s affecting them too.
One day, they might wish they caught on earlier.
4. His upbringing
Hey, parent to parent, let’s talk reality here.
If, during the growing-up phase, you didn’t push for those heart-to-heart talks or build a vibe of camaraderie with your kid, and the only conversations you had was when the wallet needed opening, well, that might be a parent-side fault.
Now, if your adult son is dialing you up only when the cash flow needs a boost, it’s not entirely on them.
They got used to keeping it short and sweet because, to be factual, there wasn’t much chit-chat back in the day.
Now, with the distance and fewer face-to-face moments, it’s hitting home, you’re missing out on those daily updates.
5. He is still growing up
Your son might have left home, but let’s face it, adulting isn’t always their strong suit just yet.
It takes time for them to realize they should be checking in on you now and then.
In the early stages of leaving home, it’s normal for them not to have matured that quickly.
They’re likely still in the “looking out for numero uno” phase, not realizing the importance of staying connected beyond their needs.
But, it’s all part of the journey.
Time will work its wonder, and eventually, they’ll catch onto the staying-close-to-home-by-checking-in-even-when-not-in-need adult life.
Just a matter of letting them mature at their own pace.
How to turn around the situation of your son only contacting you when he wants something
Of course, you can turn things around and reconnect with your son.
What you can do is this:
Chat with the guy, keep it open.
Share your thoughts, and let him share his.
Give him the good treatment you want in return, check in on him, and be a regular buddy.
Quality time is gold, encourage it.
And, when he needs something, try making him swing by to grab it.
Let him put in some physical effort by coming to you.
Don’t hold back to throw some favours his way.
Sneak in your own struggles when you do.
You just need to keep it real and build the connection.
Time’s the ultimate Fix-It Felix for sorting things out.
You need to put in some patience and work on turning things around.
It’s a learning curve for him, so your moves need a dash of patience since he’s just getting the hang of it.
But, no stress, keep putting in your efforts, and everything will fall into the right place for you.