Why are affairs so incredibly difficult to put behind us, you ask?
It’s because any connection, no matter how complicated, forms a bond that’s tough to break.
If I happened to cross paths with someone who’s never experienced the dangerous wave of an affair, I’d strongly counsel them to steer clear.
Emotional and sexual entanglements are challenging to disentangle because they’re always mostly intense.
Something powerful brought you together, and that something doesn’t let go easily.
Affairs are, in a way, an addiction, but to another human being.
Just like other forms of addiction, they’re stubbornly resistant to letting go.
So, why is it such a formidable task to end affairs?
Good, you’re in the right place.
Follow along with me in this blog post, and we’ll peel back the layers of this complex issue.
10 Reasons Why Affairs Are So Hard To End
1. The Other Person’s Influence
One of the major reasons why affairs are so hard to end is the other person’s influence.
And this is because the other person has their wishes, and they might not agree with you ending things.
You are the one who wants to end things while they don’t see any deadlines ahead.
They could be persuasive, luring you in to continue.
They keep telling you it’s not bad and that you can keep it going.
It’s a game of tug-of-war.
They’re pulling on one end, and you’re trying to row in the opposite direction.
Their influence is a magnet, making it hard to escape their hold.
You don’t want to hurt their feelings or deal with the drama that might come from ending the affair.
So, their influence can keep you stuck in a place you’re trying to escape, like quicksand.
2. Fear of Consequences
Another reason why it may be hard to end an affair is the fear of consequences.
You’re afraid that if you end things, there will be repercussions from either your partner or even the other person involved in the affair.
You might fear their retaliation; they could tell others about the affair and your involvement in it.
You might also worry about what your partner will do when they find out.
They might seek revenge or become deeply hurt.
It’s hard to think about the potential consequences of ending an affair, especially if you’re already in a committed relationship with someone else.
The fear of what could happen can be overwhelming and enough to keep you stuck in the affair, even though it’s not good for you.
The fear of consequences is a dark cloud hanging over your head.
So, ending the affair means stepping into the unknown, a place filled with uncertainty and potential fallout.
More than saying goodbye to the enjoyment, you are also about facing these scary consequences.
That’s why many people hesitate and find it hard to pull the trigger and end the affair.
3. The Rush of Dopamine
The ultimate pleasure drug.
When you’re with this person, your brain goes woo-hoo!
And you always want to have some fun.
It releases a bunch of dopamine, making you feel fantastic.
It’s like the best part of a party; you’re on cloud nine, and everything feels amazing.
This chemical high is seriously addictive.
You can’t seem to get enough of it.
It’s what keeps you coming back for more.
And that’s why ending the affair feels like trying to quit your favorite treat.
You’re basically hooked on the way this affair makes you feel, thanks to the dopamine rush.
Saying goodbye to it means you are telling your brain that there is no more fun.
That’s why it’s so tough to end an affair; your brain craves that good feeling like toddlers crave candy.
4. Fear of Loneliness
Loneliness is that feeling when you’re on a solo mission, and there’s no one around to chat with, share your day, or simply be with.
You are in a quiet room with no one to talk to or spend time with.
Now, let’s say you’re in a relationship that’s not going so well, or you’re dealing with stress or problems at home.
In this situation, having an affair would be a temporary escape from that loneliness.
When you decide to quit, you might feel you are leaving the place where you find comfort and connection, making you feel less alone.
When you think about ending the affair, you may also be thinking about returning to that lonely room, figuratively speaking.
You feel you are giving up that escape route and going back to a place where you might feel isolated or unhappy.
The fear of loneliness is a powerful force that makes ending an affair difficult.
It’s a decision to choose between the welcoming party with your lover and going back to that quiet room.
The party is tempting, even if it’s not the right thing to do.
5. Because it is a Secret Hideout
This affair thing is a secret hideout, a place only you and your secret lover know about.
It’s your secret clubhouse, a place where you share your feelings, hopes, and desires.
This secret world is charming.
A space where you can be yourself without any judgment or restrictions.
You get to explore feelings you might not have felt in a long time, or maybe ever.
And then, unknown to you, this secret world becomes an emotional bubble.
You find yourself opening up to your lover in ways you haven’t with your partner.
You’re building an intimate bond that’s hard to let go of because it feels safe and special.
Now, think about ending the affair.
It means closing the door to this secret world and going back to the real world, where you have to deal with everyday responsibilities and challenges.
This is why ending an affair can be so challenging.
You’re not just saying goodbye to a person.
You’re saying goodbye to a world of emotions and connection that felt like a beautiful escape from your everyday life.
6. The ‘What If’ Part of Everything
Have you ever played the “What If” game?
When you’re pondering the choices you’ve made and wondering about the paths you didn’t take.
When it comes to ending an affair, this game can be on steroids.
Ending an affair often triggers a flood of “what if” questions.
You find yourself asking what if it could have worked out between both of you or what if you are making a big mistake by ending this.
Standing at a crossroads, one path leading to the known and the other to the unknown.
You’re gazing down the road you’re about to leave behind, and it’s filled with all these “what if” scenes.
What if it could have been better? What if you were meant to be? What if you are giving up too soon?
These questions can create doubt and make it incredibly hard to walk away from the affair.
You know what is right, but you can not choose between that and all these tantalizing “what ifs.”
You don’t want to close the door on this story because you are thinking, what if it’s not finished, and that’s tough.
7. You’ve Formed Habits Around it
Habit is something you do without even thinking, like brushing your teeth in the morning.
That affair has now become a habit in your life.
You did not plan for it to happen, but over time, meeting your secret lover became a routine, something you do regularly.
Habits have this sneaky way of sticking around, whether they’re good or bad.
They get comfortable, like an old pair of sneakers.
That’s why ending an affair is like trying to toss those comfy sneakers out of your life and put on new ones.
This habit has become a part of your daily or weekly rhythm, and changing that rhythm can be challenging.
Just like breaking any habit, ending the affair is a major adjustment.
It’s like trying to quit biting your nails, but the urge to do it keeps coming back.
You’ve invested a lot of time and energy into this habit.
Giving it up can feel like you’re throwing away all that effort.
It’s just not always easy to let go of what’s become a regular part of your life.
8. The Allure of Forbidden Fruit
An affair is a piece of forbidden fruit, something you know you’re not supposed to have, but it’s just so tempting.
What makes this fruit (the affair) so alluring is the fact that it’s forbidden.
It’s like breaking the rules, and that can be exciting.
You are sneaking into an off-limits area, where the excitement comes from the idea that you’re doing something wrong.
Ending the affair means giving up this forbidden fruit.
You have to go back to the ordinary, everyday fruit.
Aside from ending the connection, you are losing that sense of rebellion and excitement that came with doing something secret and taboo.
The forbidden aspect of the affair is an addictive substance that makes it hard to say goodbye.
You can’t resist the temptation and go back to the regular, healthier fruit options in your life.
9. There Is A Material Gain
Sometimes, affairs involve more than just emotional or sexual connections.
There can be material gains involved, like financial support or gifts.
Maybe the other person is helping to get contracts or promotions at work.
Maybe they cater to some important needs.
If you’re benefiting in a meaningful way from the affair, it can be an extra layer of complexity when considering ending it.
It’s like having a tempting bonus that comes with the affair, and giving that up is challenging.
10. If The Other Person Dominated Their Life
Sometimes, the other person in the affair can become so dominant that it’s hard to imagine life without them.
They might have helped make significant decisions or provided stability during times of crisis.
When this happens, it can be almost impossible to go back to being alone and making all the tough decisions on your own again.
It also makes ending the affair emotionally difficult, as it requires facing the reality that you’ll have to step back up and take charge of your life again.
In some cases, the person with whom you’re having an affair may have taken control over your life.
They might influence your decisions, control your time, or even affect your choices.
If the other person has dominated your life in such a way, it can make ending the affair particularly challenging.
It’s like trying to break free from a strong grip and usually requires a lot of courage.
Ending an affair looks like trying to put the lid back on a Pandora’s box once it’s been opened.
But it’s not an impossible feat.
You might have to piece together your emotions and face the fears, come what may.
In the end, you have to make a conscious choice.
Choosing between two paths, one that might be giving you a dopamine rush but is ultimately a dead-end, and another that might not feel as exciting at first but leads to a happier, more authentic life.