Loving someone with all your heart and soul, feeling the waves of affection surround you, it’s a beautiful thing, no doubt.
But, let’s talk reality, sometimes we get so caught up in the love whirlpool that we forget who we are.
I’ve been there.
A few years back, I was so madly in love that I even left an exam just to see her.
My mind’s car ran on the fuel of love, and I was driven crazy.
I poured my heart out, forgetting to use my head.
Eventually, she got tired, we broke up, and I found myself stranded.
Losing yourself in a relationship is like driving off course without realizing it.
Looking back, the signs were there, but I thought I was just loving hard.
Ever felt like you’re losing yourself in a relationship too?
Do you want to know about signs you are losing yourself in a relationship?
Stick around in this blog post, and let’s figure it out together.
5 Signs You Are Losing Yourself In A Relationship
1. You’ve forgone your dreams and aspirations
One of the top clues that you might be losing yourself in a relationship is how you handle your dreams and goals.
Remember when you used to put in the effort to stand out in your field and score your goals?
Take a moment to compare then and now.
Even if your dreams are still around, they might not hold the same importance for you.
It’s like, you don’t take your life ambitions as seriously as you did before falling in love.
Maintaining your own corner is important, and your individuality matters just as much as the love you share.
It’s time to revisit the basics.
My ex (the one I mentioned earlier) figured this out early on and went back to focusing on personal goals.
It took me a while to grasp it.
Love should be a driving force for your dreams, not a reason to neglect them.
Now that you have a supporter, or someone to share your plans with, leaving your dreams behind because of a relationship can seriously impact your life and well-being.
2. You take everything from your partner’s perspective
You’re completely losing touch with your own values and beliefs, just nodding along with whatever your partner says.
Your own opinions seem to vanish, and it’s all yes when they say yes, and no when they disagree.
Your thoughts no longer hold weight, and you’re always the one compromising, even on conflicting opinions.
From where you hang out to who you hang out with and when you hang out, it’s all based on your partner’s suggestions.
There’s no balance, it’s just you giving in all the time.
Your relationship has become entirely one-sided.
It’s okay to consider your partner’s opinions, especially if they make a strong case.
But if you’re not questioning or comparing their views to your own, something’s off.
Agreeing just to keep the peace or out of fear of losing them means you’re losing yourself in the process.
3. You are no longer in touch with friends and family
Looking back, when was the last time you shared moments with your loved ones?
I’m talking about your friends and family.
It feels like you’ve skipped family functions and friend get-togethers lately, and it seems like you’ve disconnected from your circles.
It’s totally okay to distance yourself from people if you feel the relationship is getting toxic, but if you’re cutting off a good friend or family member just because of a relationship, you might be missing out.
Your friends and family are your support system—they play a crucial role in your life, just like your partner does.
Take a moment to reflect on why you distanced yourself.
If there’s no clear reason, maybe it’s time to reconsider.
And hey, is it everyone who hurt you, really?
Or is it worth rethinking if you are not losing yourself in a relationship?
4. Your boundaries are not respected
Respecting boundaries is no joke.
Are you feeling taken advantage of?
Is your personal space getting invaded?
Let me ask the question this way, is your partner not respecting your time, always throwing uncomfortable tasks your way?
I saw this post on social media where a woman’s husband would wake her up in the middle of the night to cook, insisting on fresh food, not the ones in the fridge.
She spoke up because she realized she was losing herself in the relationship and she needed help.
Do you feel like your boundaries are disrespected and you didn’t communicate it with your partner to set things right until they have become blurry or gone altogether?
You might be losing yourself in that relationship.
5. You don’t have peace of mind
I remember this awesome line from a poem called “Helplessly in Love” by a Nigerian poet named Kemi Bakare.
In her words, she says, “You’re my peace of mind, the divinity that’s hard to find. You’re my heaven, my entire goal. I’m helplessly in love with you.”
Love, you know?
It’s more than just a word; it’s a feeling, a vibe.
It brings peace; it’s something I prefer to call personal paradise.
Even in the midst of life’s craziness, your relationship should be your relaxation spot.
When things get wild, love should be your go-to place to sit back and relax.
Life throws jabs at us, and we can not escape that.
But, see, love should be your consort for comfort, your peace when times are tough.
That’s what I understand about love – having someone to share my fears with and lean on for support.
When everything’s out of whack, your relationship and love life should feel just right.
Even the littlest tender loving care does great things.
And if your relationship starts feeling restless, it’s time to pay attention.
When falling into love and relationships, keep your guard up, okay?
You are very important here.
Your dreams? They matter.
Goals? Yep, those too.
Family and friends? They matter.
Your opinions and boundaries? A very big deal.
Your peace of mind? Oh, it matters a lot.
And you know what?
Your happiness and well-being are top-notch important.
Always remember who you are, even in this relationship.
Oh, and don’t forget to tell your partner not to vanish in the relationship, either.
Their dreams matter.
Their goals? You bet.
Let them keep their individuality and take care of themselves – that’s important too.
We all need ourselves, you know.
What’s good for one is good for the other.
Growing is cool, just make sure no one gets lost in the process.
Find yourself again, and just keep being you.
There is nothing sweeter.