It’s good to establish that times like these are normal and felt by every couple around the world.
Being uncertain whilst in marriage is a season required for the couple to go on a journey of self-awareness and re-ignite their happiness again.
If you are in a place where you are uncertain about your emotions but sense a dark cloud looming over your head.
Unhappiness is there, but you want to be sure it’s that and not something else, and your search for awareness led you here.
Look no further because you have come to the right place.
Signs You Are Unhappy in Your Marriage:
1. The warmth has left your words:
If you notice that there’s always a biting remark about to roll off your tongue, then it can be a sure sign that happiness has left your marriage.
It is expected for married people to always dish criticism with love and warmth, but what happens when the criticism is void of that?
What happens when criticism takes the place of encouragement, affirmation, and loving words?
When you realize that you always have harsh or sarcastic remarks for your partner, more than kind words, then you can be sure that you’re unhappy about something or the whole marriage altogether.
2. Sexual frustration:
Statistics say it is harder to keep the sexual juices flowing between the couple after a few years of marriage.
Another major reason you could be unhappy is because of pent-up sexual frustration.
You and your partner have probably not seen eye to eye in the bedroom for a while and it’s affecting your moods.
This can be caused by either one or both parties not being sexually satisfied, with the other partner turning down their advances and leaving them feeling rejected.
When this happens, it can cause an emotional disconnect in the relationship that might eventually lead to unhappiness.
Apart from the fact that your body’s needs are to be met, you also desire intimacy in its purest form with your partner, but you are not getting that either because of intense work hours, unresolved issues, or even just tiredness.
3. You are noticing a negative pattern in your marriage:
You’ll be unhappy when a negative pattern consistently repeats itself in your home, whether you choose to admit to it or not.
You will feel like you are stuck in a never-ending loop of arguments and disappointment without any resolution.
This can lead to feelings of resentment and inadequacy on both sides. If this cycle continues, it could mean that the relationship is headed toward an inevitable end.
For instance, you have begun to notice that you and your partner don’t see eye to eye in some conversations, or your partner has been avoiding seeing your parents, or your partner being extra lazy or lying to you.
Even though it’s happened a few times, you cannot shake off the feeling that something is wrong or that something is causing it.
And the fact that you can notice it is what is making you feel the way you feel.
4. You’ve become defensive:
It’s natural for every human being to defend themselves in an argument or when they feel attacked, be it physically or verbally.
What’s not normal is when you are constantly defensive, even when there’s no need to be.
You may find yourself quick to snap or become aggressive in conversations, and this can quickly become a downward spiral that only drives a wedge further between you and your partner.
This is likely a big red sign that you’re unhappy with your spouse, hence the adamant refusal to listen or let your guard down.
You may feel like you need to jump into defense mode all the time in order to protect your relationship, but this is a false security.
If something’s really wrong, it needs to be addressed and discussed with your partner and not hidden behind walls of defensiveness.
5. You have divorce fantasies:
If you keep thinking of life when you were single, or life separated from your partner, then it is a sign something is wrong.
When daydreams of separation fill your mind on a daily basis, it means you’re unhappy with your current situation and need an escape.
6. You get irritated by everything:
If you catch yourself unable to tolerate your partner with time or unable to stand all that they bring to the marital home, then it’s a sign you’re not happy.
Those funny quirks that drew you in are now the very things that annoy you.
Even those flaws that you could overlook or address together seem like the biggest deal.
You can no longer tolerate your partner and react in an unsavory way.
You’re unhappy about something, and this mood is rubbing off on every other thing pertaining to your home and partner.
7. You feel very alone:
There’s this wave of loneliness that envelopes you even when your partner is around.
You cannot explain it or put your finger on it, but you just feel alone.
It’s almost like no one sees or hears you.
This feeling can be there even when there are conversations ongoing in your home, even when there’s sex or interactions going on with your partner.
It’s making you unhappy and assume the worst about your marriage.
It’s preventing you from having meaningful conversations with your partner and being able to solve the small issues between you two.
You want to try and move past this feeling of loneliness, but it’s hard when you can’t put a name to it or explain what is causing it.
It’s making things worse in your marriage than they should be.
You want to find a solution quickly, but you don’t know where to start.
This is a sign of you being unhappy in your marriage.
8. You are avoiding your partner:
Once you find yourself avoiding being in the same places with your loved one, then you’re not happy to see them.
If he/she is coming your way and you begin going another, then the mere sight or aura of your partner does something in you that makes you want to stay away.
You don’t want to be around them, and it’s a sign that you aren’t happy.
It could either be because there are unresolved issues between you both, or maybe the spark has dimmed, and you no longer find fulfillment in each other’s company.
Whatever the reason is, avoiding your partner is a huge red flag when it comes to marriage.
9. You give off negative body language:
If you find yourself crossing your arms or legs whenever your partner is around you, psychologists say it’s usually a sign of defense.
When you don’t feel comfortable around them, your body language can give it away.
Your body language could also be passive-aggressive and tense when you’re around them simply because they make you unhappy.
10. You go silent:
Silent treatment or stonewalling mostly means the unwillingness to have conversations that can lead to bonding or conflict resolutions between two individuals.
Stonewalling is when a conflict or argument is ongoing, and you go silent or walk away from the heated conversation.
If you keep agreeing (in a passive-aggressive way) with your partner just to avoid further probing, arguments, or deep conversations, it’s usually a pointer that there’s something wrong.
Most couples that go long without talking to each other often end up with deep-seated resentment for each other that can greatly affect their home.
If you are reading this and realize that you are truly unhappy in your marriage, then you have made the first step towards a solution.
That step is being self-aware of what is wrong with you.
It is at this point you can begin to consider the paths to take, which could either be discussing with your partners or personally trying to discover why you are unhappy.
It is best, however, to begin with having an open and honest conversation with your partner.
Ensure you bare your feelings to them and pay attention to their responses to your words.
Both of you could also decide to go to Couples Therapy to seek the help of a professional in counseling married couples.
These experts can foster conversations necessary for the couple to help them open up and lead them on a path of redeeming their marital foundation.
Also, take time to gain clarity on why you do some of the things you do.
You also want to take a deep dive to understand your emotions and confirm if it’s really the right compass to follow on how to relate to men.
Figure out if you want to revive the happiness in their marriage.
If not, be sure to find out why and tackle it wisely.
Put in the work.
The intentional giftings, encouragements, and likes on your partner are such great mood lifters that will stand the test of time.