You’re not caring!” a wife once yelled angrily at her husband.
Hearing this, the husband felt attacked, leading to a heated argument.
The wife expecting a change in attitude observed that her husband started giving her the cold shoulder.
He started avoiding her.
Arguments are sometimes unavoidable in marriage.
There could be mild ones, and it could be intense at times.
This is because you both are two different people.
You were raised in different families.
You have differing opinions on issues and, of course, your values on some issues.
Different issues could cause arguments in the home.
Issues concerning finances, sex, child care, shared responsibilities, etc., are some of the things that could cause an argument.
When couples get into an argument, everywhere is tense,
You throw caution to the winds.
Sometimes, hurtful words are said.
The emotions are high.
You scream and shout at each other, and your eyes turn red.
For some couples, immediately after a disagreement, they quickly make up and put the issue behind them.
But for some others, after the episode, they maintain a distance from themselves,
They ignore each other.
Some could even go as far as not talking to each other for days, moving to the guest room, and refusing to eat.
This is called the silent treatment.
This is when a partner goes quiet on his partner after a disagreement.
Sometimes, it is done as a payback for the partner’s action.
When some wives say their husbands are giving them a cold shoulder, they mean their partners ignore them.
Did you and your husband get into an argument about an issue, and he started ignoring you afterwards?
But come to think of it, why does your husband choose to avoid you after an argument rather than find ways of resolving the issue?
Well, there might be a few reasons why he does that.
Why Does My Husband Ignore Me After an Argument?
1. Your actions pained him
Emotional hurt is one of the leading causes of silent treatment.
And different situations could cause emotional hurt.
When a woman is angry sometimes, she could utter hurtful words to their husband.
She wants to vent her anger.
She wants to tender her displeasure.
She wants to make her husband realise that she’s not a doormat.
She wants to “say her mind”.
And, of course, when she’s done “saying her mind”, her beloved husband locks up because he feels attacked.
He can’t understand why his darling wife threw caution to be wind.
And in return, he also gives you a cold shoulder.
He also wants to make her realise that he’s angry.
Also, if the circumstance leading to the argument is that you did something he’s not pleased with after the fight, he could ignore you.
For example, probably the event that led to that episode was one decision you shouldn’t have made,
He could go silent on you.
This is because he’s angry with you.
And he needs time to process the situation.
If this is the reason why your husband is ignoring you,
I bet you need to reassess the situation, and you should apologise to him.
Let him know you’re genuinely sorry for causing him so much pain.
Let him know you’ve realised what you should’ve done better.
I understand it could be challenging to swallow your ego and apologise.
But it would help if you remembered that he’s your husband and not a random person.
Being graceful with words is an essential virtue women should always possess.
Yeah! It’s good to bare our minds in the face of perceived injustice.
However, you can present our case without saying nasty words.
It would help if you learned not to say words as they come to your mind but always to consider your partner’s feelings.
You have power over your actions, but you don’t have control over your partner’s reactions.
2. Lack of communication skills
Some men don’t know how to communicate effectively in the face of an argument.
When their wives start bringing up a heated topic, they go quiet.
And the more you try to get to go back to the matter, the more they ignore you.
It could be excruciating.
Some men do this because they don’t trust their reaction to issues.
Probably because your husband knows that he might not be able to handle the situation well,
And instead of getting to overreact, he would rather avoid it.
With him, the more you argue an issue, the more he withdraws.
If, over time, you’ve discovered that this is who your husband is,
I think you need to embrace dialogue over argument.
The dialogue will produce results that the argument wouldn’t.
The marriage relationship is such that we take time to understand our partner. This will allow for peaceful coexistence.
When you understand who your partner is and what he wants,
It helps you both to learn how to accommodate each other.
3. Fear of saying hurtful things
Some people avoid you after an argument because they don’t want to say hurtful things.
If your husband fits into this category, he would want to avoid you so he doesn’t say terrible things.
He wouldn’t want any issue to degenerate into an argument.
But if he does and you’ve said things that aren’t too good, he might want to avoid you so that he doesn’t also get to do the same thing,
Saying hurtful words affect the relationship. It tears the couple apart.
It’s good to have conversations with your husband.
This will help you discuss matters constructively so that issues don’t generate.
4. Reflecting on the situation
If your husband avoids you after an argument, it could be that he’s reflecting on the situation that brought about the issue.
Reflecting on an issue helps us to see the problems from another angle.
It enables us sometimes to recognise the part we played in the situation,
And what we can do better next time. This happens when it’s a significant issue that’s being discussed.
If you’ve argued before and you observed that after he avoids you for some time,
He returns better than before, and your relationship becomes more robust; this could be his way of handling issues.
However, the avoidance shouldn’t be for a long time.
It has to be short, say for a few hours, or that will be tending to malice.
You could talk honestly with your husband and tell him about this.
He should be able to make adjustments, especially if you don’t like it.
5. He wants to guilt-trip you
Your husband might avoid you after an argument as a way of guilt-tripping you.
This happens, especially if he’s seemingly the one at fault.
He might use silent treatment to turn the issues around and play the victim card.
He knows you hate being avoided and will play the card so well that you will regret raising the issue.
Men who love weaponising avoidance want their wives to be at their mercy.
If they are the ones who raise a concern, and the wife objects, the next thing they do is to go silent on them.
And, of course, they know she will come back begging them and apologise even for things she didn’t do.
This in itself is a sign of childishness.
If, over time, you’ve discovered that your husband always turns issues against you by going silent on you till you beg him, it’s evident that he has deeper issues,
And he needs help.
When he’s calm, you could talk with him about needing a therapist to get the help he needs.
6. Fear of escalation
Your husband might be someone who hates issues degenerating into bigger ones,
Hence, he might try to avoid you.
Probably because he knows that you might not stop insisting on the issue, and he is trying to play safe.
Sometimes, they devise strategies to process issues properly to preserve the love couples share.
For your own, this could be the best way for him to handle the issue.
7. Cooling down
Most times, arguments make the atmosphere tense,
And everyone is moody and unhappy.
Arguments almost always never get issues resolved.
Most times, the two parties must sit down when the atmosphere is calm to resolve the issue.
It is essential that couples learn to attack the issue and not the person.
If your husband avoids you after an argument, it could be trying to cool his nerves, after which he will sit down to talk with you about the issue.
In the event of disagreement between couples, there’s no innocent party.
Yeah, you heard me correctly.
When issues arise, there are things you did or didn’t do well.
Having conversations will always be a better choice than always having to argue.
If not correctly handled, it could make couples drift apart.
You could discuss your concerns if your husband avoids you after an argument.
Both of you should be able to figure out how to navigate conflict resolution effectively.
You could also see a professional counsellor who can help you.