In any marriage, honesty acts as one of the pillars for it to be successful.
A man and woman who have come together as one are expected to be ‘naked and unashamed’ or vulnerable with one another.
Let’s consider honesty as a foundation and view marriage as a structure resting on it.
When the husband begins to lie to his wife, no matter how small it seems, a crack begins to form in this pillar of honesty.
To bring a woman to the point of asking “why” could mean this has become a consistent pattern exhibited by her husband.
A worrisome act that has gone beyond producing cracks in the wall to destroying the pillar and possibly the marriage structure.
This act of lying leads many women to the question of asking why.
If you are here because you want to know why, then you have come to the right place.
Why Does My Husband Lie To Me?
1. He is lying to avoid conflict:
This takes a chief position on why husbands lie to their wives.
Especially if he knows that telling the truth will bring conflict.
To avoid the tension, hurt, and possible pain that will come with telling the truth, your husband starts lying because he believes this is the only way to avoid that.
This is common if he has noticed the way you react to the truth of a situation.
If your reactions have proven to be harsh and painful towards him, he will lie to avoid that.
Take, for instance, when you get angry or begin to list out all his wrongs, which makes him feel less than a man.
The next time he does something wrong, he will immediately lie because he does not want to relive that reaction you gave to him last time.
2. He’s feeling ashamed:
This is closely tied to the first reason.
Married men can lie because they begin to feel terribly insecure after a mistake that they perceive to be too embarrassing to tell their wives.
For example, if your husband is going broke, he may venture into other businesses for quick cash and lie about his whereabouts or business partners because he doesn’t want to engage in the conversation about being broke.
Not only will the conversation make him feel embarrassed about being unable to provide for the family, but he will also begin to feel like a failure if you know.
He’ll be too ashamed to look into your eyes, so he’ll do whatever it takes to avoid the conversation, even if that means lying.
The feeling of shame is enough for some men to immediately resort to lying.
It’s a defense mechanism in order to protect their ego and feelings of self-worth.
They may believe that they will never be able to recover from the failure, so they do whatever it takes to avoid confronting it or talking about it.
3. He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings:
One of the reasons he may be lying about being broke is because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.
He knows when a topic is a sensitive topic and that you may despair if you know the truth.
He doesn’t want to make things difficult for you, so he chooses to tell a lie instead.
He knows it’s wrong, but his desire to protect your feelings outweighs the knowledge that lying is wrong.
It’s an act of misguided kindness that has the potential to do more harm than good in the long run.
And this is very common among couples.
Imagine a scenario where you meet your husband to give an opinion on your weight, and you want him to be sincere, but since he knows that being sincere will throw you into sadness, he might lie to avoid that.
If he tells you the truth and your reaction is sadness, best believe that he will not want to make you upset anymore.
The next time you go to ask him concerning your looks, he will tell a lie to make you happy.
This act, although misguided, can come from a place of care because he wants to consider your feelings above the truth.
He knows that the truth will hurt, so he chooses to minimize it instead.
4. He wants to protect himself:
It is not uncommon for husbands to conceal the truth from their wives, especially when they perceive their personal identity and reputation to be at stake.
Such men have likely grown accustomed to their wives’ adoration and profound respect and would do anything to protect that image.
In some cases, they may resort to lying under pressure, seeking to maintain the illusion that everything is perfect.
Ultimately, their goal is to ensure that their wives’ perception of them remains pristine.
Your husband may be in this position because he sees how much you admire him and how much you brag about his presence in your life, and he is feeling pressured to hold on to that.
This eventually results in him lying to you about a situation that can possibly take away the look of adoration in your eyes towards him.
5. He is used to it:
Some men can pick up lying as a vice or habit and continue it in their marriage.
This is probably a result of an experience as a child that encouraged that or because he believes lying saves him.
A good scenario of this is if your husband was used to being dealt harshly with as a child whenever he told the truth about a mistake he made.
This pushes him to lie every time he is confronted.
Eventually, it becomes a habit.
Thus, he becomes a slave to the habit and even lies where there is no reason to.
Such men have become desensitized to the consequences of their actions and need to seek professional help.
6. He wants to appear better:
It’s a common tendency among some men to embellish their stories or exaggerate their achievements to impress their wives.
They do this in the hope of gaining more admiration and affection from their partners.
The husbands who indulge in such behavior often believe that their words can sway their wives’ perception of them and make them appear more admirable and revered.
If you find your man always bragging about his income, sexual prowess, or intelligence, up to the point that he begins to add little lies to what he says, you can take the hint that he is trying to impress you.
7. He wants to avoid some responsibilities:
Have you ever noticed that your husband frequently tells lies in order to avoid helping out around the house?
While it might appear to be a small thing, it could be indicative of larger issues.
Maybe he lies to get out of doing tasks that he’s not particularly fond of, or perhaps he just wants to have more free time for himself.
Many husbands may lie about their workload or how busy they are in order to avoid doing mundane tasks like taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, washing dishes, etc.
This can also extend to more serious matters such as financial obligations or parenting responsibilities.
Unfortunately, this can be hurtful and frustrating for you as his wife.
Rather than simply telling you that he doesn’t want to do something, he chooses to lie in an effort to avoid confrontation or hurting your feelings.
8. He finds it easier to lie:
In cases like this, such men know that telling a lie comes easier than doing the right thing, which is being honest.
They are fully aware of their actions but are trapped by the ease they have with lying.
For example, a man who works out at a popular gym is seen flirting with one of the women there.
Someone notifies the wife, and instead of coming clean to let their wife know what is happening, they lie about who she is and the conversations they are having.
In such cases, we see the man finding it easier to lie so the matter can be quieted down because telling the truth will open more can of worms that can shake the very foundation of their marriage.
These types of husbands are probably not even habitual liars but take this easy route because the hard method of telling the truth is not an easy way out.
9. He doesn’t think he’s lying:
At this point, your husband has become really desensitized to lying.
He doesn’t think of it as lying but rather a way to protect himself from the consequences of his actions.
He may be able to rationalize what he’s doing and make himself feel better about not telling the truth, believing that it’s not really hurting anybody.
The moral lines have become blurred to him.
Even when he knows he is lying, he does not get why it should upset you so much because he does not see it as a big deal.
10. He doesn’t trust you:
This painful realization comes after a man has been called out several times for such a consistent act of lying.
At this point, it’s not habitual because he trusts everyone else except you.
The wife, who is supposed to be his best friend and confidant, no more has that role in his heart because something happened to make him lose trust in you.
He has stopped trusting that you will understand his perspective, and he believes that if he tells the truth, you won’t be able to handle it.
This is a dangerous place for your relationship because it can lead to more lying in order to cover up previous lies.
The lies here are mostly forced but necessary to guard himself.
You’ve read through the signs and probably feel anxious, or an overwhelming wave of sadness hit you.
Please breathe out and in before rushing to a decision.
At times like this, it is best to investigate more and then have a discussion with your husband.
If he is finding it difficult to still open up to you, you can seek professional help from experienced counselors and therapists.
Also, arm yourself with the knowledge that honest and hard conversations can take time and are fruitful depending on the efforts of both sides.
Is he willing to open up but cannot?
Is he unwilling to open up?
Does he desire help for himself and the marriage?
Is he refusing help?
These are good questions you must begin to ask, for the answers will help you arrive at the best decision for your marriage.
Sometimes, even the answer to introspection is not black and white and will require lots of patience to unravel.
It is completely okay to talk about it to trusted people and seek help from marriage professionals in such situations.