Have you ever wondered: “Why does my husband never comfort me when I cry?”
One of the interesting things about romantic relationships is the emotional expectations from our partners.
I mean, I chose you above every other person and as such, my needs should be a priority in your life too.
There are other people out there that can provide comfort and be a shield, but the very emotional support I need is from my husband, and that is not too much to ask.
Everyone wants to feel like that without even asking for it.
Who doesn’t love to be dotted over?
When that one person is there for you emotionally and ensures that the bond you share is nurtured in a healthy environment, your heart will definitely be filled with love.
Of course, that’s how we believe they love us.
But what happens when these expectations are not met?
While dating, these things could hurt and lead to a breakup, but what about in a marriage where you are not ready to consider a divorce?
Emotional needs like ensuring your spouse feels loved, being present in difficult situations and comforting one another are constant that ought to be met if your marriage must thrive.
And as a woman, you may constantly need this emotional support that, when not provided by your husband, may leave you doubting if he really cares.
Today I will share why I suggest a husband may not comfort you, who is his wife, when you cry.
“Why Does My Husband Never Comfort Me When I Cry?” 8 Reasons Why.
1. He Can Not Relate With Your Emotions
It’s funny, but some people can’t relate when you cry.
Yes, it’s not only weird to them, but it seems so unnecessary and annoying when they see someone crying.
This may result from how they processed emotions in their formative years.
They’re just not used to emotional outbursts and expressions.
When parents teach their sons not to cry or reveal such emotions to prove strength as a boy child, such boys grow up into men who see crying as a sign of weakness.
Men don’t cry, they say.
But who are men not to cry?
Such upbringing can be why a husband cannot relate when his wife cries and, therefore, not be able to comfort her.
To him, it’s like, “So? Is that why she is crying?” “Why are you crying now?”
He has grown to see crying as irrelevant and weakening.
This can be the reason why you never see him crying.
And to him, if he is not crying over issues that overwhelm him, your tears might just seem like a silly attitude of a child.
So he expects everyone, especially grown-ups, to be in charge of their emotions and put themselves together.
The least expected from an adult is crying, and that doesn’t exclude even you, his wife.
A man raised this way will find it difficult to wrap his head around why you are crying and cannot come to terms with empathising with you.
2. He Does Not Want To Cry Too
Do you think women are the only ones that cry?
No, not at all.
In fact, some men can cry you a river.
On a normal day, the chances of someone crying while trying to comfort a crying friend are very high.
In other words, you who are comforting your crying friend will most likely cry, too, especially when it’s someone you care about.
Watching them sob and curve their lips, pouring out the pain in their hearts, can make you cry yourself, and at that point, none of you will be in charge of the situation.
How much more is your husband comforting you when you’re crying, especially if he is an emotional man?
It will be a cocktail of tears.
And you know, most men take pride in controlling their emotions and being in control of situations at all times.
Your husband might not want to join the crying train.
So his reason for not comforting you when you cry might be because he, too, doesn’t want to cry.
And to him, at least one of you should be in the right frame of mind so as to have a grip on the situation at hand.
3. He Is Focused On Trying To Solve The Cause Of Your Tears
Men are generally more rational than emotional beings.
Most men believe in going straight to the point, and your husband is not an exception.
Like “What exactly is wrong?”
They want to get to the root of the matter and solve the issue instead of hanging around to stop the tear.
They believe that if the reason you are crying is known and tackled, you will stop crying, and things will go back to normal.
While some other men may want to ensure you stop crying first, some go ahead to the root.
And if you do not understand them, you may think such men do not care.
But stop to analyse the situation, and you will see what he is trying to do.
They may think, “Let her cry it all out and express herself and let me see how I can fix the issue.”
Whether you are crying because you just lost a friend or you are crying because you lost a job or a contract, whatever the reason may be, some husbands may just be mainly concerned about helping you get over your loss or recover the lost opportunity than trying to calm you down.
4. He Is Generally Unempathetic
In handling certain situations in marriage, especially the ones that involve the heart, it is important to look through your partner’s history, particularly the one he has with other people.
How does he empathise with others?
His boss or colleague lost a wife; how did he empathise with them?
A relative or close friend had an awful experience; how did you see your husband empathise with them?
To know someone is beyond knowing them by who they are to you.
Are they perceived the same way by others or even nearly the same?
If your husband is generally unempathetic to people, then it shouldn’t surprise you if he shows you his unempathetic side.
This may be due to his strong personality, thought patterns, or experiences.
However, only a person who has the character of being empathetic can comfort someone when they cry.
5. He Does Not Know How To Handle Such Emotions
To be honest, not everyone can handle deep emotions.
Personally, I find it easier to write or remain quiet and alone when I am feeling deep emotions like anxiety, fear, or sadness.
Having to deal with it with people around will only lead me to cry non-stop.
I handle it differently, and sometimes I can’t take it all in, especially if I can’t write it out.
Likewise, other people, including men and, yes, maybe your husband, may not be able to handle it too.
Watching you cry may bring him to the point of being vulnerable, and despite how vulnerability is healthy in marriage, most men still shy away from it.
They may not be confident enough just to get vulnerable at the spur of the moment.
People who are shy about being vulnerable also find it uncomfortable to see others express themselves by being weak.
You may notice that your husband, whether he is happy, sad, anxious, or scared, does not know how to handle the expression of such feelings, and you find him acting awkward.
Handling such emotions may be difficult for him, making him feel awkward, and this may be the case with your husband not comforting you when you cry.
6. Your Reasons For Crying
Do you know that adults throw tantrums too?
Yes, they do.
They may not throw their feet and fling their hands, jump around and scream silly, but they do express every form of emotion to the fullest and not care about others, nor will they read the room.
Don’t get me wrong, though.
I am not saying we should learn to suppress our feelings or that they are invalid, but I mean that sometimes the things we women cry for may be unnecessary.
I think the best word could be “lack of self-control”.
When crying is done over everything, okay, maybe not everything, but some things do not warrant tears, then of course, anyone would get tired and may not want to comfort you anymore.
You cry when your lipstick breaks, when your nail breaks, or when you can’t get your hair done.
These may be genuine reasons to make you cry, depending on the context, but have you considered how it feels for your husband to make himself available to comfort you constantly, yet you cry every time?
Although crying every time may be because of some emotions gathered in your heart, some hurt that has not been looked into that find its way out as tears at every instance.
You should try sorting them out to prevent constantly pouring out your emotions, even over things that aren’t worth shedding tears for in the real sense of it.
Gradually he may get used to seeing you crying and become reluctant about comforting you.
Also, when your crying becomes manipulative, it begins to seem like tantrums or a means of gaslighting your husband and avoiding taking responsibility for your actions.
It can lead to your husband not comforting you whenever you cry.
7. Nothing He Does Helps
It is difficult to comfort someone who makes your effort useless.
It’s like comforting someone who does not want to be comforted.
You don’t stop crying.
And though crying may be an emotion that cannot be controlled, one can exercise a certain level of control over it sometimes.
However, despite your husband’s repeated attempts to empathize, display compassion, and alleviate your tears, his efforts fall short of improving the situation.
This may be discouraging and may imply to him that you are not ready or that it is best to leave you alone, not because he doesn’t care but because it suggests that’s the best thing to do at the moment.
When situations like these repeat themselves, your husband is most likely to feel uninclined or reluctant to comfort you when you cry because he believes nothing he does helps.
8. He Does Not Love Or Care About You
If you love someone, there’s this genuine desire to see the person happy.
Not wanting them to feel sad, making them feel safe and not enjoying them to cry.
Simply because it hurts you to see them unhappy.
It hurts you so much, and you will do everything you can to help.
Hence, your husband not comforting you when you cry may also indicate that he doesn’t love or care.
Love is a complete package of compassion, tenderness, desire to keep safe, patience, etc.
A husband watching his wife cry and not showing any form of comfort is contrary to what is expected of lovers and may mean that he doesn’t care.
That “when she’s done, she will wipe her tears” kind of vibe is hurtful and should not be given by a husband to a wife he loves.
Love is compassionate!
Finally, remember that as a couple, you both took an oath to do life together.
Doing life together is the same as learning and unlearning together.
And since it’s not in your power to change your spouse, you can help them to learn and unlearn, including seeing things from your perspective and doing the needful, like comforting you when you cry.
The reasons might not be limited to these, but these can be used as pointers to suggest and figure out what went wrong.
This is a task that demands intentionality.
Because while your husband might need to learn to embrace and handle such reactions from you, you may also need to sort out those things that build up and lead to your crying often, even for the unlikely things.
It will be easier for you both when you work on yourselves and work on each other together.