Why Does My Husband Treat Me Like Crap?

“Why Does My Husband Treat Me Like Crap?” She wailed.

I am saddened when I hear women pour out their minds about how badly their husbands treat them.

A man who once promised to love them with the whole of his heart?

A man whom you love and care about?

I’m so sorry about this, Sis.

I can only imagine how traumatizing this is.

You keep wondering what you did wrong.

“How did we get here?” won’t stop running through your mind, especially for people who had a great relationship from the beginning.

Emotional abuse manifests in different forms ranging from insults, name-calling, gaslighting and unfair treatment that damages the emotions of the other person.

The truth is, sometimes, the signs are there before marriage, but we ignore them because we feel we can “manage the situation”.

But then, it’s unfair to treat our partners like garbage.

And it’s not really about what you did. It’s about them.

Your husband could be treating you with disdain due to one or two of the following reasons.

7 Reasons Your Husband Treats You Like Crap

1. He doesn’t love you

Why Does My Husband Treat Me Crap?

Love is an integral aspect of a relationship.

Whatever we love, we treat with every sense of worthiness.

A man who loves you with every fibre of his being will show it in deed and truth.

He will always seek to honour you.

He will never deliberately hurt you.

When someone who claims to love you starts acting in a way contrary to the attributes of love, it begs to question if they loved you as they professed in the beginning.

When a man continually ridicules you, insults you at will,

He seizes every opportunity to belittle your opinion; there’s a doubt that he loves you.

If your husband is treating you with disdain, it may be that he doesn’t love you.

He’s your husband, and you can say a lot more about him than anyone.

Assess the situation and see if “the love factor” is missing.

However, let me say that you can’t force someone who doesn’t love you.

You may need to come to terms with the reality.

And no, it’s not about what you did or didn’t do; it’s about “him”.

2. His upbringing

Where and how we grow up determines many things about us.

If a child grew up in a warm and loving environment, they would most likely grow up warm and caring too.

Of course, that is not to say that we don’t have people who discarded the good virtues their parents imbibed in them.

If your husband was raised by parents who always treated him with disdain,

If every wrongdoing is met with enormous consequences,

He might grow up with that mindset and think that’s the usual way to treat people, you, inclusive.

If this is why he treats you like crap, he needs to unlearn, learn and relearn.

He would most likely need the help of a psychologist who will walk him through self-defeating behaviour.

3. He’s a narcissist

Why Does My Husband Treat Me Crap?
Narcissists take pleasure in self-importance.

The quest for superiority usually makes them talk down on people.

A narcissist belittles, manipulates, and gaslights his wife into doing his bidding.

He delights in making his wife second-guess herself.

He won’t take it lightly with her if she acts contrary to his instructions.

If your husband exhibits these traits, he might likely be a narcissist.

And with him, you may need to be assertive. No, not aggressive.

Yeah! You may need to do this. And at the same time, set boundaries that have to be maintained.

You know why, with people like this, they are ready to treat you the way he desires.

It’s left to you to either allow him to have his way with you or make him realise that he can’t always have you where he wants.

You are also an essential part of the equation.

It’s a partnership and not a slave-master relationship.

4. Unmet expectations

Why Does My Husband Treat Me Crap?
Marriage comes with a lot of expectations. Fidelity, love and affection, respect, etc., are some expectations.

And when they are not met, resentment can build.

For example, If a man is continually denied sexual intimacy by his wife, they could start drifting apart over time.

If your husband treats you like crap, you may need to check if you’re meeting the expectations.

If not, you may need to make the necessary adjustments.

And also make out time to bring back the spark that your marriage has lost.

5. Unresolved conflicts

Why Does My Husband Treat Me Crap?

For two people with different personalities, conflicts will most likely occur.

And when it’s resolved on time, it helps to understand each other and improve the relationship.

However, unforgiveness and resentment take centre stage when issues are allowed to linger.

And this will, in turn, influence the atmosphere of the union.

If you and your husband would cover up issues rather than address them,

Or if you usually get defensive whenever he raises his displeasure about issues, he could stop talking.

And start acting it out.

So, it’s essential to think deeply about the state of your marriage and see if there have been any lingering issues.

If yes, that could be the reason behind his actions.

It would be fine if you could have time to sit with him when he’s calm and revisit the issues.

Apologise to him and be ready to adjust if there are things you’re doing that are not pleasing to him.

6. Financial issues

It has been observed that men tend to be cranky when they don’t have money.

If not all, but so many men are sitting pretty on this table.

And those who don’t know how to manage their emotions well vent their frustrations on their partners.

Their partners walk on eggshells around them so they “won’t collect”. Lol.

Your husband might treat you disdainfully because he’s not doing well financially.

Especially if he’s in debt or his business isn’t yielding as expected.

7. Negative role model

The people we have as role models play a significant role in our lives and decisions.

If a man is surrounded by men who respect and honour their wives, he will want to do the same.

At the same time, if what he sees all around him are men who treat their wives with disdain, he might also walk in their footsteps.

If your husband is surrounded by negative role models who have no regard for their wives, that may be why he’s treating you like crap.



I want to reiterate that these are possible reasons your husband treats you like crap. However, it’s good you talk with him and express how you feel.

At the same time, though, he is your husband, but for your well-being, it will be good to create a healthy boundary and be assertive about your stance.

Most importantly, consider engaging the services of a professional counsellor.

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