Women often fall in love with men who have a strong sense of individuality.
This is because it is a sure sign of maturity and confidence.
A man who owns their values, beliefs and ideologies is seen as a powerful man.
While dependency is a necessity in a relationship, it is important for both partners to maintain their own identities.
When one partner becomes too clingy, it can overwhelm the other and lead to resentment.
Since men are traditionally expected to be strong and independent, when they become clingy, it can be seen as a sign that they are insecure or have low self-esteem.
If you find that you attract clingy men, it is important to ask yourself why.
Observe the patterns in past relationships and let the data guide you to insights on decisions, actions or even thoughts that led to you accepting a relationship with a clingy man.
Are you drawn to their neediness because it makes you feel needed? Or are you trying to fix them?
If you are the latter, it is important to remember that you cannot change someone who does not want to change themselves.
If you are looking for a healthy relationship, it is important to find a partner who is confident and secure in themselves.
Who is a clingy man?
Clingy men are overly attached to their partners, often to the point of being possessive.
They may require their partners to be the source of all their needs, even when they are capable of providing for some of those needs themselves.
They may also lose all sense of boundaries and react badly when told no.
This can be a very overwhelming and suffocating experience for their partners.
Clingy men are unable to see the capacity in themselves to meet some of their needs and thus intensely attach themselves to someone who they perceive can act as a crutch for them.
Now that you know what a clingy man is, let us dive deep into some traits of a clingy man and probable reasons why you attract them to you, like bees to pollen.
Attributes of a clingy man
1. Disrespects or fails to acknowledge boundaries:
While some people believe that boundaries are only necessary in platonic relationships, they are also essential in romantic relationships.
Boundaries can be physical, emotional, and even digital. A boundary is an invisible line that defines how far someone can go in a relationship.
It determines which behaviors are acceptable and which are not.
Boundaries are created based on the values and beliefs of each person in a romantic relationship.
Boundaries help us to learn about our partners, to grow respect for them, and to honor their needs, goals, and values.
For example, if you set aside an hour each evening, say at 10 p.m., to meditate and relax.
Then, your partner does not give you the space to do so because they want to be around you, touch you, talk to you, or because they feel lonely while you are recharging from a busy day.
You need to be aware that this person does not respect your boundaries because they are clingy.
2. The consistent lack of trust:
Trust is a two-way street in any relationship.
When someone trusts you, they feel at ease with your decisions and confident in your words.
There is no need to constantly check up on them or monitor their activities because you believe in them.
A clingy man, on the other hand, is overly anxious and worried about their partner’s choices, always thinking that they need to dig deeper to find out what their partner is hiding.
Unfortunately, while this lack of trust may seem like an abstract problem, its effects can be seen in the clingy man’s speech, actions, and habits toward their significant other.
For example, a clingy man may:
- Constantly text or call their partner, even when they know their partner is busy.
- Demand to know where their partner is at all times.
- Become jealous or suspicious of their partner’s friends or co-workers.
- Try to control their partner’s activities.
- Become angry or upset when their partner doesn’t spend time with them.
3. Zero hobbies or interests outside the relationship:
The individual quirks, shared interests, likes, and dislikes formed the bedrock of attraction until the relationship began.
The man’s interest in other things disappears, and he completely focuses on you.
Indeed, this drains him of his personality and makes it a chore to spend time with him.
The deep longing you used to have for him has now left a taste of contempt in the mouth. Indeed, familiarity breeds contempt, and he is not taking any chances for both of you to have adequate space from time to time.
You’ve gone through that list and ticked off the boxes you can relate to, but it still doesn’t answer your question of why you attract clingy guys.
Here are possible reasons why:
1. It is a common saying that the people you attract are a reflection of who you are.
Whilst you cannot control who comes into your life, you are very much aware of the decisions taken to keep them in your life.
And the things, persons, words, and companions you allow around you are sometimes a reflection of who you are and the values you stand for.
Attracting a clingy person can be a materialization of a need to always be doted on, and it can also be you trying to fill a gap in your soul that was neglected for a while.
At the initial stage, the constant checking up and possessiveness of a clingy man felt cute, but it can get overwhelming with time.
So it’s not that he was not always that person; it just happened that the initial dose of attraction robbed you of the chance to be observed.
2. You keep attracting these men because you encourage their attraction.
A lot of times, we unknowingly encourage flirting, seductive games, and friendliness from such men because, truthfully, they make a woman feel good.
And sometimes, what will save you from future situations such as this one would involve going past your feelings to observe, ask questions, and, with wisdom, address the budding relationship from the lens of your mind rather than your butterfly-worried gut.
3. Self-esteem issues.
There is a possible chance that a lack of self-worth or unawareness of it can cause one to see clinginess as deep attraction and even love.
And the ignorance can last for a while until time wears it off, and the suffocating feeling replaces the attraction.
If one’s esteem and security are not firm outside of the relationship, it can make the person move toward the direction of clinginess or encourage attraction from such men.
4. Skewed knowledge of attraction, love, and relationship dynamics.
A good number of women have a tainted view of how to address love, relationships, and attraction.
This could be due to a number of reasons, such as background, traumatic experiences, peer influence, and social conditioning.
Some were made to believe that a man must be extra possessive or else he doesn’t really love them.
However, it is not until later that they come to realize how skewed such advice is and how it is very far from the reality they are currently in.
5. Lack of Self-awareness:
Knowing yourself will help you weigh the odds of a romantic interest and the effect its consequences will have on you.
For instance, if you don’t know that your mind and soul sometimes need a break, it can become very hard to ask for it from your partner.
This can lead to unnecessary conflicts and even create a rift in the relationship.
Moreover, if you don’t recognize the need for emotional support that goes beyond physicality, it is easy to set unrealistic expectations for your partner.
Therefore, self-awareness is imperative to have healthy relationships with yourself and your romantic interests.
If you are in a relationship with a clingy guy, it is important to talk to them about your concerns.
Let them know how their behavior is making you feel, and ask them to be more respectful of your boundaries. If they are unwilling to change, you may need to consider ending the relationship.